A Conversation with Self by Judith Ingram
Rough Draft Written July 2014 – Edited and Published 2023


For many years I had struggled with writing again.  The thought, the idea, the yearning had come and gone for more than two decades, with some but few results of unfinished works in and around 2014.  Well, ever since my one and only book was published in 1990, I had not been moved to write in the depth and matter my soul longed for, until now ... decades later. 

My mind was always at work with all kinds of thoughts racing and dancing and haunting my mind.  All the strange things, and oh my god things, and the heartbreaking things, and overjoyed things, the blessings and the curses.  All of my experience ... I could ponder and explore all day long, yet, found it most difficult to pen.  Well .... the truth is, as soon as I began to get ‘serious’ about writing, a blanket of doubt would drape over me and I felt the constraining reminder that always paralyzed me … and thus, would successfully shut me down with one blunt echo, “Who Cares?”

I mean let’s face it, just about everything on everything is out there, what makes my words, my experiences, my self-proclaimed wisdom in life more meaningful, or even as meaningful, or hold purpose of great value - or even a grain of value? And so, life did go on as did the stories, adding new stories along the way - the blanket wearing thinner.  I do think it’s thinned out enough to break through now.

Yes, I could not find the inspiration to put down in words, in feeling, in all the content that I could speak much better, sharing what I could with those who cared to listen.  And not only listen but engage in the experience and react with emotional expressions ... I just didn’t think I could receive such a gift in writing.  I knew I could tell a good story.  I knew the memories I spoke deeply and passionately about entertained all those who heard them, as much as it gave many hope in times of need, strength in others, acceptance and encouragement.

I cannot remember how many times people said to me, “You should write a book.”  I can’t count the times I heard the words, “Wow” and “Miracle,” or, “That’s crazy” ... among other reactions.  Basically, I have blown others away just by sharing my life verbally - just by speaking from my heart, in truth, in detail, in near real life through my mouth, and that is what I knew I had to do through my mind, through writing ... someday ... a someday that seemed would never arrive. 

I have always contemplated ... even hoped that day would arrive that I may bring forth from my heart the written word ... which I have shared solely through the spoken word.  I was sixty one years old then, so it had been a very long time, yet, just as I knew deep within ... that day had arrived.

The funny thing was I could not start writing until I wrote this introduction.  And I couldn’t write this introduction until I had a title. So, for a while I was stuck, you see, tossing around for days into weeks ... what would I even call the book?  Well, it came to me that day in July of 2014, while I was standing at the kitchen sink hand-washing the dishes … where many of my thoughts flowed while gazing out the window into space.  Indeed, it did come and it gave me more than a title, it gave me a more powerful reason to write.

After all, writing really is a conversation with one self.  And self shall be who I would write to.  For truly oneself is why one would desire to write, and if others find that self to be of interest, to be worthy of sharing, to embrace and ponder - and perhaps find a pearl in the process - then myself would be graced.  And if my words touched others, if it gave someone comfort or courage, it would truly make me feel utterly blessed, as well.  It would give my life purpose, as I believe we must seek purpose in life, shouldn’t we?

I must be honest, I am not an experienced writer, or a professional of any sort in the writing industry, or field, or whatever it may be referred to.  I just write.  I’ve done a lot of reading, mostly all nonfiction.  I never was a reader of novels or short stores or fiction - I’d rather watch a movie or a TV show.  My desire to read is among various subject matters that interest me, help me to learn and grow in all areas of my life, to educate myself on the knowledge and wisdom of all I can absorb.  My focus has always been on the deeper side - mysteries of the past - as well as the fascination and enlightenment of the future.  To be ‘present’ for me is difficult as life is ever changing with each breath.

The love of words captured my attention at a very young age.  Seeing how they flow in harmony has captivate me.  To be able to string words together and hang them on edge, stretch them to imagination, spark emotion and bring clarity to one’s understanding, is miraculous – is powerful - though their true power lies in being spoken.  I hope, however, that my written words will have some of the powerful effect that I am able to bring forth.

… and so, let the words flow …