Insight About Me by Judith Ingram

A Little Deeper Insight About Me
by Judith Ingram

This is a brief account of things that are included in my full biography, though there are a few details included here that I did not included there. I wanted to give a short rundown about my life, for those who aren’t interested in reading all the Chapters.

I would like to start by saying I have always had a great passion for creating things. Throughout my life I have explored different areas of my creative side. As a child I loved to draw, make doll clothes, and all kinds of arts and crafts. I even had an ant farm that was quite interesting and entertaining.

I also tried to learn music and played the clarinet with my school band, as well as sang in the choir. But I never really had the talent, nor the passion to pursue that direction any further than the two years in Jr. High. Life in the outside world came to an end for me in March of 1969 when I became a very young mother - having already been a very young wife since December 1968. For many years I raised my family, having a second daughter. I had dropped out of school in my second year of High School, though I tried to continue in a school program, the struggle and stress overwhelmed me. When my marriage came to a dark and terrifying end after five years, I was empty, broken, lost, uneducated and shamefully naive. My saving grace, only my two little girls … and if it were not for them, I may not have survived ... yet, had they not been, I would not have walked that path. A double edge sword that I have always chosen the blessing rather than the curse, for life is about choice. And I have always accepted responsibility for my choices, seeking from the experienced lessons and wisdom taught to me. I believe all things have purpose.

I was just barely 21 years old with two little girls and I depended on welfare for my financial survival. I got my first start in the work place at the largest bowling alley in Sacramento, California, it was two-stories high. My mom helped me get the job as a part time snack bar cook and counter attendant. It was during my early twenties when I began to pen my thoughts and feelings to poetry, and picked up a guitar and began to play - not knowing a single musical note - and just let my fingers flow through the strings to what I felt inside. And what I felt inside felt good, it felt sad, it felt anger, it felt peace, it felt relief - it was like spiritual therapy at the time, it was emotional survival - and the music healed my soul.

In 1976 I packed up my girls and moved to Oregon ... a place I had never been, never imaged ever going, and could not comprehend how it could ever be ... but I had a vision and I believed and took the leap of faith - and everything just came about and we were on our way. It is one of my miraculous experiences. Oregon has been my home ever since. A place I have raised my girls and seen the births of my grandchildren. Though I have left many times in my adventures, I always came home to Oregon.

Other creative things I've learned is a bit about pottery. There's something awesome about spinning a clump of clay on a wheel. But clay wasn't new to me. My grandmother had a ceramic shop when I was growing up and I used to watch her pour the molds and painted them with such detail and beauty, then glaze them and place them in the kiln. I would be so excited when she took them out. Each one of same shape whether it be a batch of rabbits or swans or horses or painted plates or whatever she poured that day, each unique in its own way - as well as sets of tea cups and saucers and salt and pepper shakers. I learned a lot hanging around my grandma's shop. Once in a while she would let me mold the clay and paint it, then place it in the kiln, just for fun. I've always had a fondness for ceramics because they bring back a lot of warm memories.

I've also tried basket weaving, woodworking, home decorating, including construction projects. I learned to knit and crochet, and stained glass, among other things I have tried somewhere along the path - but when it came to sewing, and I got my first sewing machine, I learned that I hate to sew. I do remember clearly the hours I spent collecting rocks with my girls, and we made little rock people. I also enjoyed candle making and creating tie dye t-shirts. When I learned the art of stained glass in 1978, I found my true passion that ignited a flame.

What started out in a basement one day became a small shop where I made custom windows and sun-catchers, and then attended art shows and craft fairs. I began to draw my own designs and hit a winner with a humming bird (I was nicknamed the Humming Bird Lady - although my white doves were my second-best seller). I created a line of frogs that I thought would really get attention (I loved them so much) but frogs never did become popular. And then life changed ... as it always seemed to do.

When my passion for writing returned in the mid 1980's, I dug out my old poems from my mid 1970's collection and compiled a short personal book of poetry, and then went on to write short personal stories for magazines (all unpublished but not from lack of trying). By 1988, I was aspired to write a book about Christmas - that to my knowledge is in the Library of Congress (ISBN: 0-533-08812-7) - as well as listed in Amazon books (yet have no idea how it got there).

Writing my book introduced me to the word processor and then on to computers that was hardly known by many at the time. When my book was complete and published, I spent a year or more doing book signings and marketing. Needless to say, it wasn't a big seller. The subject matter was highly controversial and sparked much debate among the local churches and many of their flock. I held some private meetings with various pastors and ministers from different denominations and non-denominations regarding the content of my research and findings. The local news picked up my story and published a huge article in the newspaper - in which I was not pleased with its outcome. It was a difficult time for me dealing with angry and hateful folks, but the experience made me stronger and wiser. But not all were negative toward my words and many embraced them wholehearted. It was the countless gratitude of others that gave me the strength and boldness to carry on ... to bring the truth to light.

It really was after my book that I began to explore this new technology on the rise, the computer era had arrived and was sweeping the world. With much encouragement from my brother (who built his first computer from a tape recorder and a b&w TV), that I began to discover what became my lifelong passion and self-survival portal. At first, I learned all I could on how to operate one since back then we didn't have Windows. I learned DOS well and its coding and that kind of stuff in order to be able to use one. Then things got exciting around 1991 when the local Bulletin board system came online through phone modems. I was addicted instantly. It was the strangest thing to communicate with people in such a manner, and it fascinated me to no end. It wasn't the Internet, it was just local folks who figured out how to connect computers to a central login portal. Then more portals were available with more material to search, download, chat circles, and tons of fun games to play (yeah, Pacman, you obsessed me), and it was all for free. Then the Internet came and computers suddenly had a nice menu come up (well nicer than a black screen with a blinking prompt anyway). It was slow going but it didn't take long to explode, and look where we are today!

So, I've been around computers and online for a long time and I imagine I shall continue to grow in that area as it expands further into the future. But I am one of keeping memories and I still have a wooden box full of old used floppy disks filled with what I can't remember from back in the day. Just had to keep them for some reason ... just like a few other old-time items that I have hauled around, like my April 1970 Berkeley Tribe newspaper issue (that unfortunately the mice chewed off some edges while stored away somewhere, and the pages are getting more brownish and fragile). I am somewhat of a collector of old things, and people have told me my home looks like a museum. Though I have lost so much over the years in my travels.

There came a time when I felt a need to teach others how to use a computer as I saw so many struggling with it, and it was very exciting for me to share this new world with others. I was just getting into real estate school toward the end of 1991 and passed my exams in 1992 (with unbelievably with high scores - amazing myself). I managed to mix the two together, computer teaching and real estate, then I went further into learning repair. Through the massive experiences I had with my own computers hardware/software issues, I learned a lot about how they work inside and out by doing all my own system maintenance - I added system repair to my job description. Everywhere I have ever worked it has been my knowledge and skill of computers that got me the jobs I sought after. Real estate sales and listings itself wasn't for me .... however, I did put my talents to better use ... administration and management. I found my fit in the workplace and it was and is a blessing.

Eventually I gave up teaching and repairing computers and went full time office worker. Then I moved to Austin, Texas and a new turn in life began. Although my experience in Austin became a nightmare, one good thing came from that life choice. I was introduced to a website designer, which lead me to graphic designs, and when I returned home to Oregon I went back to work in real estate adminstration, but I spent every free moment I had playing with my graphics, creating what I felt were works of art in which I displayed on my personal website. It was around 1998 when I was unexpectedly contacted via AOL by someone who knew someone I knew from years past, and they encouraged me to make designs for Kevin Costner fans to display on their fan site. I was delighted and honoured by the request, and my KC designs became very popular … I received much praise for them. I got to know many of the fans over time, and one of them I am still in contact with after all these years - though she lives in Italy and we may never meet in person.

A short time later I was contacted by his distant Aunt who is related to the Costner family. She had a website that was devoted to Kevin and his career. Over the years we became online friends. She asked if I would make some personal designs for her family album and I was happy to do so. She emailed me the photos she wanted me to use. Many of them were Kevin golfing at a tourment, were she had attended and took photos. She also had photos of Kevin at her home, in the company of other family members. Eventually I met her daughter and we became Facebook friends. Most people thought I had some fan crush on Kevin, but I never felt that way ... I never felt that way about anyone. It was fun, and it was nice to be appreciated for my creativity. And I suppose I did feel some kind of connection to him in a strange spiritual way.

It was during that time when I sold my very first graphic design, having been contacted by a fan site for Russell Crowe. They had seen my KC designs and felt I could capture just what they were looking for to display on their site. To be honest, I didn’t know anything about Russell Crowe at the time, and they didn’t give me any idea of what they were looking for. I hadn’t seen any of his movies, had no idea where to start, until I went through my folders of images and saw a white tiger roaring from a rightside angle. Something about that image struck me, it was powerful. I went on Google images to find one of Russell to go with it, and to my surprise, I found a picture of him looking like he was roaring, from a leftside angle. When I saw those two images facing each other together, it just flowed. I thought about using an image of him that might have drawn more attention to his glowing smile and kind eyes, so it was strange that I would choose those two images. But then, a year or so later Gladiator came out, and even though I hadn’t seen it for quite some time thereafter, when I did, I thought to myself how the design really was perfect - kinda like a revelation.

I was quite excited and thrilled that they loved it so much it became their homepage graphic display, and I was proud and honoured to be asked to create it. I told them there was no charge, after all, I made a lot of Kevin Costner designs and just gave them away. They insisted they wanted to pay, and I gave them my address to send their payment, in which they did. It really was the first design I had ever sold, but it was not the last.

Soon after that I was contacted by a fan site for Sam Rockwell to create a design for their fan website. And again, to be honest, I didn’t know who he was, nor did I ever feel any connection to him. I was thrilled to create the design, but I didn’t offer it for free, and they were happy to pay me for it because they loved it too. My second paid graphic design. Then I went on creating designs for client’s websites, and soon I was making business cards for a company called RV'ers Choice, while continuing my day job.

heartandsoul I launched my first website account with Century 21 Full Service Realty, and that was the beginning of my domain hosting and web building business. But it wasn't until I met my dearest and most treasured friend/soul sister PJ online and became partners. She was well contacted in the music industry and brought a lot of new contacts into my life, all of which I truly have treasured over the years. Many faded away with free social media, but a few have remained all these decades. It took ten years before we met face to face when she flew from Sacramento, California to Oregon to meet me. It was absolutely amazing, and we spent a week together just hanging out, taking pictures of old barns, and sharing deeper stories about our life. She was raised in Oakland, California as I was. Sadly, PJ passed away from ALS many years ago - the Lou Gehrig's disease took her down fast. It was such a terrible thing to watch. She was so full of life then, a beautiful soul. I still miss her.

I loved making graphics so much I took on freelance projects creating schematic web pages for a local community website (a huge project that I felt honoured to be part), and that lead to other projects. I spent every weekend learning and experimenting with images trying to find my own style and voice. I entered contests ... and won a couple (big thrill in the moment, and a little cash prize). I made graphics for book covers, brochures, flyers, postcards and such.

My passion still lives more powerful than ever - ever since the life changing vision I had in 2007 (see ‘My Vision’) - and though the vision lingered in my mind for years, embedded deep within my soul, it wasn't until 2013/2014 that I was able to release all the emotion and images from that vision and poured them into my designs (see my Galleries at DesignsByJudith.com).

The change in my creative touch is greatly noticeable when one looks back to the earlier days. Some might think many of them are dark and scary, or perhaps odd and strange. While others might see something deeper, feel something deeper, seek something deeper from them that brings an awareness, an understanding, a confirmation, an enlightenment. It took minutes to hours to days to complete one, going through countless images until something clicked and the fullness of blends were woven together. I myself have been amazed at a finished design and I myself have studied them ... for even unto myself they hold a message, a sign, a symbol, a path, a reflection of both the past and the future.

Since 2007 much has changed for me in my ways of thinking, believing, being, that until I poured it all out, I could find no rest ... so I poured it out. But it is not within my nature to be dark and it wasn’t a journey I totally enjoyed, yet one I had to travel ... as it was also not my wish to ever write a book about Christmas ... but these things come and I cannot run nor hide from them forever. I choose to be a positive, uplifting, inspiring, joyful, loving soul - and I try to express that as often as I am able while the weight of darkness dwells all around, for my life has been a mission of sorts and we must embrace all if we are to embrace true self.

I fully retired in 2020 from real estate. I continue to run my domain host and web design business, though it really isn’t much anymore. I am still care giving my (now) 90 year old mother, who has out lived my step father. He passed away in 2018 at 91. I had brought them up from California in 2016. It has been a long and enduring time, although in 2020 I did have a short break for two and half years after she went into assisted living. It was that break that gave me the strength to bring her back home, where she truly wants to die. I promised her from day one, that if at all possible, I would give her and my step father a peaceful ending. I feel really good that I was able to keep that promise with Sam. Sam passed in his own bed with mom and I at his side.

Life has come a tremendous way as I turn 70 in July 2023. It seems so strange. Unfortunately, all the moving, lifting, and what not, has taken a lot of out my body. I have struggled with fibromyalgia since around 1990. I should say I have pushed through it, because that is what it took to go on my life journey. I rarely ever took a pain pill, though I have had my share of Aleve. Well, I have a story about this issue already. Life is easy going now, time has been kind.

Thank you for taking the time to read a bit about me. My life, my experiences, my history is very long … which I am now in the process of 'finally' completing. I've only touched upon a few words here and if you so desire to know more, please read through my Life Chapters for a deeper look into my crazy life.

I hope to encourage others through my own experiences because if I can make it through all that I have encountered in this life, I know others can too. I have consoled many over the years and I know there are so many others who suffer … I just want to give them HOPE! Because I never gave up hope, I have had some wonderful experiences, for hope walks us through the darkness into back into the light.