Insights on Life

Judith’s Insight on Life
Rough Draft Written in 2013 - Edited and printed in 2023

My age has ripened from the seed in which was planted on this earth, and its roots have dug deep into the soil of my past. My limbs have carried the weight of heaviness this life has bestowed upon me with the burden of such disturbing emotional and spiritual suffering, and if it were not for the many lifesaving blessings gifted upon me, I would not have made it thus far – it is a miracle I have survived. I am grateful, despite the overflowing rivers of my tears, and for being spared from some of life’s most horrible realities – though many might say I have lived beyond my toil of life’s horrors.

My life has taken me to places I would have desired to never tread and yet it has gifted me with surprises my heart knew not before. My soul has struggled to know, to understand, to fulfill the passion that lives within me.

My need was/is to dwell in the presence of light – a light ever-present amongst the darkness that shadows life. I know it was not always an easy path - if there is such a one - though indeed it was through those times that taught me the lessons of my way. My wandering spirit taught me that forgiveness never ceases to deeply touch those who faithfully enter places most souls tremble in denial of their existence.

I have learned much on my journey here … this place … this space … this earthly race to heaven … yet, I have paused upon many occasions to ponder life’s purpose; its meaning and its depth. I have come to see that everything records itself, it repeats and tweaks itself, and it leaves an eternal encoding (memories) of moments before us and ahead of us stored in life itself – and life itself is filled with hopeful dreams that dangle in the distance, some too far to grasp, others just not close enough that our soul can wholly embrace them. Many people - probably most - don’t ponder such thoughts, but I have always sought the deeper things in life.

Indeed, time may unveil all but all cannot be comprehended in one life-frame, nor even a thousand life-frames because, as I have come to realize, time is a timeless process. Only through time can we come closer and closer to the vision of seeing and knowing all … yet ‘all’ we are surely, most sparingly and truly blessed not to be awakened to until it is time. Life has taught me much about ‘timing’.

I came to a painstaking realization: I live in an age where an enormous multitude of souls have lost the essence of purpose – the very fiber of what has kept the Spirit alive in harmony – and now, the stage has been set to entered into the fiber of chaos. I sense the Spirit of life weeps at the ever-consuming darkness that hangs overhead - the unleashing of a massive desperation for survival. Survival has become the new fiber of our existence and that has driven souls to seek purpose through the vastness of windows and doors flying wide open – catching and leading and pushing and pulling all that will enter them. I have watched the mind-managed masses as they swirl about in illusions – as I myself have found myself … a time or two … perhaps more than a few – and I know the power darkness holds. I know the blindness it intrudes upon mankind by shaping and raping the energy source of our lives.

I wondered about this energy source of supply mankind possesses and I wondered from which it comes and where it goes because energy is ever-flowing. Life is ever growing, reaping and sowing. We call it GOD, I suppose. Then I thought about computers and my DOS days, learning the inner workings of its body and mind, programming and controlling the use of its direction through a power source within. I later discovered there are those who have mastered a way to hack into computers and take control of its energy use, and how powerful such a master can be with that force of energy. I thought about how computers were vulnerable to virus attacks and system conflict crashes … and my eyes were opened to something very disturbing.

It seemed to make sense. It was logical and comparable on many levels how such a process could be possible from a human spirit resource – for all energy is a resource. I connected the source of energy to mankind the way I had with computers and I saw the invisible master hacker at work, reflected in plain sight. I observed the process as it became ever more clear that human spirit energy resources were being harnessed and controlled – and as time went on the process became easier to channel it. The question that disturbed me the most was “why?” At first, I thought it was to brainwash us, or manipulate us, or lure us into a system of consumerism for profit. And although that is one of the great material benefits, it didn’t appear to spiritually answer my question.

When computers were first introduced to me in 1982, I was fearful of what they meant for the future. I was reluctant to go down that path, but my brother was far ahead of the times and over time he walked me into that world. He was on the cutting edge of the new world of computers, before there was a thing called a PC Tower and monitor, before there was a thing called a Laptop, before there was a thing called a modem. His setup was a small black and white TV hooked up to a tape recorder and a keyboard - something he gifted my oldest daughter at age thirteen. His interest was creating software and thus, he became a program coder. By the 1990s, the computer era had advanced greatly.

My brother gave me my first PC Tower in 1991, before there was an Internet, but there was something called the BBS (Bulletin Board System) and it was this place I became absorbed into. Many people thought I had become lost, and my focus had shifted from the spiritual to the material world. Some even tried to convince me the computer was from the devil, but they don’t believe that now. Although few at the time understood or could comprehend such a thing, my journey into the computer world was a deeply spiritual one. The deeper I went the more I had to know, and I spent years learning how the brain of a computer operates. I watched throughout the ages while it grew monstrous - consuming the world at whole. But it did not consume me - I consumed it. I learned many secrets that reflected right back to our selves. When wireless technology came into the picture, I was able to see the reflection in the mirror much clearer and as that technology advanced, so did my understanding and wisdom.

It is only through this time in our life that technology has come to help us better see and understand our existence (apart from what we were taught to believe from hand-me-down stories). Our knowledge of life in the universe today has expanded so far beyond those pieces of pieces of history that now life has reached a time of shift. But it’s shifting in such a way that it is causing life’s harsh realities to surface, and as they do, more of the masses will flee to their safe place. It might be drugs or alcohol. It might be entertainment or fictional realities. It might be a box within a box one builds around their self, their loved ones, and their personal community group – it could be simply their religion of reason. It might be a career or it might be just a day-to-day struggle spacing out into denial. Whatever that safe place is, it finds its way to survival.

Chaos rattles and trumpets are drowned out. It is sometimes near impossible to quiet the mind to hear the sound of the souls warning. The world of mankind is raging in what appears to be an uncontrollable force, yet the eye can be deceiving – it is very much controlled. Such an energy it is that which mankind possess and is being used to stir a negative effect on itself as it spreads across the land infiltrating and infecting all. And the increasing mental illnesses, the violence and grab for power, the downgrading of our humanity are only some of the outward and inward woes being thrust upon us … knowing and unknowingly.

For most the chaos is not a good thing but for many others it is a wonderful creative tool. Too many are unaware of the influence the power spirit energy resonates. We label the negative effects it has on us and our environment with newly created words to identify the newly discovered disorder of balance in the world. The breakdown of the nervous system, the muscular system, the very atoms themselves are directly the result of the massive escalation we are seeing in illnesses, diseases, and ‘syndromes’ (as many are now termed due to debate and denial and bewilderment).

The wireless era unleashed something very disrupting and disturbing to the balance of nature and it has also stimulated some of the greatest minds who seek to reap its limitless power – a power equal to our creator. Our modern-day breakthroughs are reaching all levels – but it hasn’t reached our DNA on a massive scale yet, though it is close to obtaining that goal – and perhaps it has behind closed doors. When that door opens, we shall be entering into a new realm of reality … and the groundwork for such is already being laid.

The more this awareness came to me the more obvious the connection I was able to make in relation to my own ‘syndrome’ – which I was told in 1990 was fibrositis. At the time it was said to be a rare syndrome and not much study had been done on the ever-growing mystery. Today it is now termed with an official title of fibromyalgia and the numbers of suffers is off the chart … and getting worse each year. I had suffered with such a mysterious thing starting around the middle of the 1980’s, but it wasn’t until 1990 it had got so awful, I finally went to see a doctor for help. There really was no help, not even 15 years later. And there will be no help because the wireless connection only grows stronger as more waves invisibly steam through our bodies like sun rays … nature’s body, and the whole body of the Universe.

It took a long time for me to finally conclude such a strange awareness but ever since then it’s the only thing that has made the most sense, and all the other explanations didn’t solve the fact as much as they added missing links to a bigger picture. Around the clock, around the world, hurling though space we are feeling, seeing, suffering and shifting into a different place … a place many are now waking up to. New studies are revealing and confirming my very own thought and conclusions. Sadly, few are awake to realize them. Most think that what they can’t see won’t hurt them. Most don’t think about such things as they pop those pills for relief from the hostile environment in which we live.

The dot-to-dot connection has been twisted and detoured and more people are inclined to simply believe what the ‘experts and professionals’ tell them – that ‘they’ are told to tell. But the truth is, some of them aren’t sure of the causes because so many other factors come into play and that certainly makes it difficult to find a bandage to hide the truth. We can’t go back, we can’t dissolve all the wireless, all the satellites, all the invisible waves bombarding us. The only way out is to keep moving forward and moving forward is taking us into an artificial life source. This truth is something that has been kept under secret for a very long time as the fears and defenders (God’s people – Environmental people – Spiritual people – Awakened people) are muddled with hope for a miracle, a peace, a unity, and even a long-suffering awaited return of Lord Jesus Christ. But things have gone too far and we are falling over the cliff as we attempt to accept and cope with the fallout of what has been coined ‘progress’.

Our brain is much like a computer operating system, constantly downloading and uploading, sorting, processing, mapping, profiling, calculating, storing and retaining memories in labeled folders of time. It holds and beholds many purposes. Creating a world within a world has become one of its most powerful reality shows – each and every one of our lives is just that, a self-created reality show – though we are told it’s all an illusion. And I myself have found there is both good and bad in this truth because for too many they cannot live in the real world. I came to learn through much struggle and endurance that there is no absolute black and white, no absolute right and no total wrong. We see colour for a reason.

I ask, “Who can claim the right to judge? Who can stand in perfection? Who can know the path of another - even if they walked a mile or a million in their shoes? Who?” My wisdom has taught me that not I, and not none should attempt to do so. But wisdom has also taught me that though we hear the echoes of “Thou shalt not judge,” we are taught to judge everything. Since birth we are taught the guidelines in which to scale our judgments upon, be it through religion, parental instruction, workplace, or simply through ones own personal preference The odd thing is, these documented lists of guidelines are constantly edited as the old ways are overwritten with new ones.

The much odder thing about this ‘document,’ is once you mentally download it (accept it), the ‘remote access’ option is switched on (unlocking the mind), which sadly most have no clue about. I see it every day … I’ve seen it all my life … and when I found that embedded document within, I deleted it ... blocking its manipulation and outer influence. One must realize deception before they can be aware of its dangers that so many are held captive to.

It appeared to me - as dismayed as it might be - that since the beginning of mankind the mind has been dissected for its great source of power. So great its rein that it knows how to bow its head to the heart and soul. It knows its rivalry is truly with Spirit. Ages of time have changed, not the ways of life.

I live in a time where much of our greatest knowledge lies in plain sight surrounded by a blind man’s maze. The maze, a yellow brick road, I have traveled with countless souls - those who came before me and those whom yet to be. I found the maze creates a perfect chaotic confusion for the weary seekers who wander through and weave tirelessly by both curiosity and inspiration of this masterpiece, which appears to be ever-changing yet utterly remains the same … a true work of skillmanship that cycles throughout the ages … ushering in an awareness that the end draws near.

Clear vision becomes clearer and no matter how we express it, it is a time of enlightenment, an eye-opening moment, a reality check awakening, a sheer revelation of the inner vision that allows us to see the bigger picture – a time when we realize we no longer walk blindly through the maze. I live in a time where truth is deemed a lie and a lie is etched into truth. I live in a time where echoes from the graves wail for redemption from the truth they knew not and the truth they now know that haunt them. It is an echo of truth which loops through times path and it matters not in what era or what age I do live … for all has been carved in stone and sealed with blood.

I have wandered with focus in the mass of confusion this life has presented to me. I have felt torn between belief and denial, challenged between deceptions of lust, desiring love. My life is not different from most who have and shall continue to be confronted with hate, inward and outward, as well as gifted with the relief of kindness healing – and, in all conclusion, I have learned, most difficultly, that life is divided between two worlds and finding balance is a true savior. I have dwelt in both most fully, to the fullest of my ability that I may know the depth of each world that I may find such balance … a skill I am continuously challenged with … but the maze has shown me such an impossible feat is surely possible but only through personal growth, through inner change, and through understanding and acceptance - acceptance that I am both a material and spiritual being.

I do believe in non-belief as much so as belief. I suppose this is where I have truly found my balance, a place that raged war within from the moment of my first inhale of the Spirit - the breath of life - that spark of which ignites our soul and flips the switch that brings forth life through our entire body.

Many would disagree, even condemn me for saying so, but I do not believe that I nor anyone that has ever lived knows who God is, what God is, where God is, and why God is – other than those God has chosen to reveal Himself. Mankind has searched from the beginning of time to find God, to dissect Him, figure out His plan, manipulate His intentions, use His name for power and wealth, used to blanket the sinners with shame to repentance, used for self-serving motives, and cursed for pain and sorrow, as well as praised for His miracles. Mankind has held unto His Word of hope and faith that has been handed down to us from countless generations.

On the 207th day of the earthly year in 1953, on the seventh month of that year on the 26th day, on a Sunday evening in July, the world experienced a full moon that was eclipsed by a total lunar event. This event is often referred to as a Blood Moon for its red color, and ancient historical recordings have shown that such a phenomenon holds spiritual signs. They are known to be rare with only one out of three lunar eclipses being total.

It was a moment in history when the moon passed directly through the center of earths’ shadow, a natural cycle of our world. Astrological calculators reveal it was the longest total lunar eclipse of the twentieth century and will not occur again at that length of time until November 4th, 2264. This event may or may not have been the force that brought multitudes of new born souls into this world (known as the ‘lunar effect”) but it was the night my soul emerged into this world and I became Judith Ann, the daughter of Russell and Norma Jean … their third and final (life bearing) child … as well as becoming the little sister to my older brothers Russell III (Rusty) and John (Johnny).

My mother told me once I was born on a full moon. She said the hospital maternity ward was busier than usual that night. I heard that more babies are born on a full moon, though the validity of that continues to be questioned. Yet, still, my knowing of such a mysterious effect had always remained somewhat a wonder.

It was in 1975 when I became more seriously interested in my birth date when I met Maureen - whom became a really close friend for a really short time. Maureen was a gypsy with a half dozen kids and no man when she settled into our area for a while. I was barely 22, divorced with two daughters; a six-year-old and a two-year-old. Maureen was older than me, she was someone you would say had a very old soul.

Her years of study and astrological birth chart readings where deeply revealing. Her knowledge of astrology and tarot cards was more than amazing and I poured through her stack of books on the subjects she studied with much interest. I became delightfully absorbed by the mystery of it, having been guarded from such things in my Christian upbringing and told they were of the devil. I was, by then, a free thinker after having lived through and partaken in the hippie movement back in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s.

I asked Maureen one day if she would do my birth chart, and my response to what she revealed was complete astonishment on every level. I was able to see how much the forces around us affect our lives, our personality, and perhaps our fate. Maureen explained to me what the birth chart meant in a realistic sense of my past, present, and even a future perspective. I certainly couldn’t be sure of the future but it all made sense to me on my past and present. And the warnings and guidance she had given me then for the future, would appear at times as God Sent. But as life went on and the years passed by, I had forgotten much of what she said, though I remember still many things she shared.

She also read tarot cards at Fairs, and also in private, though she refused to read mine for the longest time, saying it was too difficult to read the cards for friends or family because of the things she sees, and can hardly bear to tell them. After she read mine, the results were gloomy for the future that I had dreamt of, but it also seemed to prepare me in ways I had not yet imagined. She gave me the knowledge of knowing that our life path has both ‘can’s and ‘cannot’s, and it has been the cannot’s that have caused me the most pain … but also taught me the most about acceptance of reality. Acceptance is the hardest when you have to let go of something you deeply believed, faithfully loved, and devoted your soul to. It’s not easy, but sometimes it’s necessary ... sometimes it’s a must to evolve into a better place, a better space, a better pace, and most importantly, a better person.

Too many times I had been held hostage to the words, “Never Let Go.” Too many times that belief caused the deepest of pain. I came to realize the words, “A time to hang on, and a time to let go,” is where I found my release a blessing. Once you allow yourself to let go, then, and only then can you truly be free from a place you no longer belong. I think many have found themselves trapped by their own self-made prison ... a prison I know too well.

There is another saying I also came to see held as a vital truth. “When one door closes, another door opens.” Fear not what lies ahead.